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Mariah Carey to Make Directorial Debut with Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie

Mariah Carey is set to direct and co-star in a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie entitled Mariah Carey's Christmas Project (although I can't imagine that'll stay the title for long) in a late-career move that is at once wholly insane and yet weirdly inevitable.

After all, Mimi — if this poor, unworthy plebeian may be permitted to call her that — counts Lee Daniels as part of her posse and has been hanging out with Brett Ratner since at least the late nineties. And say what you will about Glitter, but Carey was absolute aces as that wearily sympathetic social worker in Daniels' Precious, and I'm still eagerly anticipating some bonkers, Daniels-directed updating of Auntie Mame, starring the Elusive Chanteuse herself, even though a project like that surely wouldn't veer to far from this. But most crucially, 21 years ago, Mariah Carey gifted humanity with what is literally the last great Christmas standard. Seriously, try to name one holiday hit that's even half as successful or as durable as "All I Want For Christmas Is You."

Between the Nick Cannon marriage and that recent string of badly-botched performances that are almost as cruel to watch as they are to share, it's a tougher time than ever to be an avid Mimi Defender, even though Mariah fandom has always been a slightly agonizing (but occasionally hilarious) responsibility. That voice will never be what it was during the "Vision of Love" years and it's unkind to demand that it should be, even though "Infinity" is a considerable triumph of gutsily, gracefully, and earnestly working within one's newfound limitations with just the slightest bit of shakiness, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Mariah's too active, too resilient, and too gifted an artist to deserve your "good" (aka sexist, ageist) jokes, although, in truth, Mariah has deserved better than a lot of things, the director of Hercules and the host of America's Got Talent included. I can't imagine this Hallmark movie will be anything other than an out-and-out hot mess, or, even worse, a total bore. But if your Pop Diva of Choice isn't bringing the delusion to some degree then, frankly, she just isn't playing the game right.

Mariah Above All, people. As it should be.

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